One Month

Tomorrow it will be Joshua's one month birthday. Hold. The. Phone. How is that even possible? Have we really been doing this for a month?

Yes. Yes, we have. Some days it feels much longer. Some days it feels impossible that so much time has already gone by. Some days I still expect to wake up and find out this has all been a dream of the Wizard of Oz variety. And some days I feel a little lost on how to feel.

Today is one of those days. This week was a tough one - we dealt with the aspiration episode and then the infection and all sorts of fun stuff. Seriously, you should get one of these NICU babies. They're a riot. But even with everything that's happened, I'm not sad. I'm not scared. I was only upset for a few minutes when the doctor called to tell me that Josh had choked on his formula.

Normally this kind of event would mean I am sitting in my pajamas, scaring my mother with my sad, dark blog and eating cookie dough in the dark. But while I am in my pajamas (and they are CUTE), it's really just because it's nighttime and not because I'm all depressed. This blog isn't scary (yet, muahahaaa), and I just remembered I have cookie dough in the fridge...hmmm...

What was I saying?

Oh, right. Feelings.

I've always been a bit of a Debbie Downer (wah, wah, wahhhhh). I can get a gnarly 'tude and be a little bit defeatist in times like these. In general I am not a glass half full kind of gal, despite my super-duper cheerful appearance. But for the first time ever, being Debbie is helping me. I am able to manage my expectations by remembering how far we have to go. Any progress Josh makes is fantastic and I am thrilled to pieces over it. But I can't go up and down and up and down and reverse and sideways and up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, etc. It's too much. So instead I'm staying as neutral as I can. I don't know how else to do it. And so far it's helping.

Wanna know what has inspired my newfound perspective? Oh, come on, you do.

It's the X-Files.

Do not adjust your monitor. The X-Files is the key to NICU life.

There is an episode of X-Files called X Cops where the show COPS follows Mulder and Scully around as they try to solve the case of a monster in a small city. The monster feeds off fear and at the end (spoiler alert... from 2002), the sheriff's deputy is trapped with the monster and starts to flip out. Mulder finds him and says the following inspirational words:

"You're a sheriff's deputy! And you're on national television so cowboy up!!!"

Cowboy up. Is that not the most amazing way to say "put your big girl panties on and deal with it"? I think it's magical. It sounds cool AND you immediately get the mental image of a cowboy (or girl, if you like) saddling up on his horse and riding into battle. Or wherever cowboys go.

There will be days where I will be extra sad. There will be days where I will be extra happy. But regardless of the day, I will cowboy up and deal with it. And since I also called myself Debbie Downer earlier, I hereby christen myself Cowboy Debbie.

All hail.

Baby Cowboy Debbie

A Documentary on Dana Scully, or, How to be Knocked Out in Three Easy Steps

Lately, Daniel has been on an X Files kick. So we've been watching all of the episodes. If you don't know what The X Files is, let me sum it up for you: Two FBI agents look for aliens after lots of strange things happen to or around them. It's weird.

However, the weirdness is nothing compared to the stupidity perpetuated by one specific character: Dana Scully, one of the FBI agents on the show. 

"I was supposed to look sexy but I got distracted."

It is incredibly hard to watch her on the show and remain silent. She is dumber than a sock and dresses like Hilary Clinton - that is, when she's conscious, which seems to be rare. What's that, you say? You want a list proving this? Okey dokey. 

1) The pantsuits. Oh, sweet cheese and crackers, the pantsuits. This woman wears pantsuits like it's... 1993. Okay. Fine. But still - who looks good in shoulder pads? WHO, I ask you? No one. Especially not in the ones that make you look like a football player. Maybe she's trying to go for a more masculine look so the other FBI agents will take her seriously. What she doesn't know is that the suits are only just masculine enough to make her look like a transvestite. 

Look at those things. They take up half the shot.

2) The complete and utter lack of belief in all things paranormal, in spite of the fact that THOSE ARE THE CASES SHE WORKS. ON PURPOSE. She is a medical doctor who became an FBI agent - the assumption we're supposed to make is that she's smart. Unfortunately, she is not smart. Quite the opposite, in fact. Because no matter how many times she sees an alien abduct a kid or an invisible elephant trample a dude or find a bunch of dead people with Alien-esque plants sticking out of them, she insists that it's all a big scientific misunderstanding. "No, no, I know his head was turned into a jelly bean in front of my very eyes. I have seen this before - it's JellyBellyItis. Very tragic." Moron. Conveniently she is never around to see any of the alien activity for many episodes, thus attempting to solidify her status as a scientific genius. All it really does is make you wonder why she is never there for the important things. Which brings me to my next item...

3) Scully is without a doubt the worst FBI agent I have ever seen. She is always at a loss for a weapon when trouble comes her way - too bad that standard FBI-issue gun isn't nearby since you dropped it in the shower earlier like a champion. And when she does miraculously hang on to her gun, she holds it like a limp noodle and kind of just waves it toward the attackers, as if she is hoping it will start firing on its own. 

She also gets knocked unconscious about three times per episode. Once by a little girl. I get it; she's the girl on the team and it's the 90s and life is always more exciting when someone's unconscious.But they are the F. B.  I. I would hate to have to explain to a child's parents that I didn't rescue their son from a kidnapper because I tripped and fell over my own gun after I dropped it because loud noises scare me. 

"What's that? You want me to hold on to your gum? OH, gun. Uh-huh. Then what? Okay, which part is the trigger? And then I impress him?? OH, arrest him. Okay. Do I tell him I work for the FBI or is that a secret?"

So if you decide to watch, prepare yourself. It isn't pretty. Her suits certainly aren't.