Good Idea, Bad Idea

I get asked a lot of questions about what our NICU experience was like and what another family with a baby in the NICU can expect. A lot of times I can't really give an answer, because so many things just depend on your child and your NICU and how much Diet Coke you have available to you.

But there are plenty of questions I can answer, and most of those revolve around the theme of "What can I do/say/bring/sacrifice to help?" I have gotten asked that quite a few times recently, so I thought I would post some answers here, Animaniacs style. So - prepare yourself for the good ideas and bad ideas of supporting a friend or family member in their NICU life.*

*These are meant to be helpful but also fun. If you have said/done any of the bad ideas, no worries.

Good idea: Telling your friend you are praying for her.
Bad idea: Telling your friend you are praying for her because she looks fat after just having had a baby.

Good idea: Asking what you can bring to the family during this stressful time.
Bad idea: Showing up unannounced with a mariachi band.

Good idea: Letting your friend vent to you, cry to you, hug you.
Bad idea: Letting your friend do all these things while you secretly try to get to the next level on Candy Crush.

Which reminds me - if you are thinking of inviting me to play Candy Crush, don't. Every time you send me a Candy Crush request, a tiny kitten gets carried away and eaten by a hawk. Think about that the next time you want to get more lives or whatever it is you people do. Think of the kittens.

Good idea: Sending a card to your friend or family member to let them know you are thinking of them.
Bad idea: Sending a card to your friend or family member that you filled with glitter. Glitter is the WORST, do you understand? The. Worst.

Good idea: Asking your friend how her baby is doing, what the doctors are saying, etc.
Bad idea: Asking your friend how her baby is doing while making horrified faces at the responses.

"What do you mean, his oxygen saturation is only 82 percent?!"

Good idea: Telling your friend how cute her baby is.

Bad idea: Telling your friend how cute her baby is while using air quotes around the words "cute" or "baby."

Good idea: Asking if you can visit your friend and the baby.
Bad idea: Visiting your friend and baby for three hours while showing them a ton of hilarious YouTube videos about cats dressed like people.

So I hope that clears things up for you.
















Okay, okay. I will give you a real list. The things we found most useful during our NICU stay were:

- Phone chargers (make sure you know what kind of phone/charger they use!)
- Gift cards - gas stations or nearby restaurants are really helpful! Our hospital had a restaurant in the cafeteria and we got a lot of gift cards for that, which was fabulous.
- Gum. I went through so much gum while Josh was in the hospital that I could have wallpapered our house with the wrappers. Ooh! DIY Pinterest idea!
- Scented hand sanitizer. Hospitals are big on cleanliness (especially in the NICU!) but that hand sanitizer smell really gets old after a while. Fun scents are always exciting.
- Books or book/Kindle recommendations. I read approximately 4730282 books while Josh was in the hospital.
- Water bottles. My friend Hayley brought me a reusable water bottle that was amazing and I still use it. She also brought me a delicious dessert. Bring those, too.
- Change for vending machines or small snacks that can be eaten quickly. Our NICU did not allow eating in the actual rooms so all snacks had to be eaten in the lobby. I'm guessing that's a pretty common rule.
- Cards, texts, emails, Facebook messages - I got cards from family, friends, and total strangers. People emailed me, commented here, and wrote us letters. My aunt Shonda sent a card to Josh several times each month for his entire hospital stay. Those were so awesome. It's wonderful and encouraging to know you're being thought of and prayed for.
- One thing that is helpful to remember: It isn't about you. I don't say that to be harsh, but to help you understand that some days, your friend or family member might not want you to visit. Some days it's literally all they can do to find the will to come sit in that hospital room for yet another day, and returning a text is too exhausting. Sometimes they will want to chat nonstop about their child. I'm not saying you have to let them walk all over you or anything; just realize that it is one heck of a roller coaster and 99% of the time, their responses (or lack thereof) have little to do with you or their opinion of you. It's just exhausting.
- Celebrate the little victories with your friend! My mother-in-law set up an update page on Facebook so we could let people know how Josh was doing, and it filled my dorky little heart with so much joy when people got excited with us because he finally pooped. Their joy encouraged me and I will be forever grateful for it.

Okay, that is really it. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask! But I reserve the right to answer in titles of Britney Spears songs. And to tell you about my Baby One More Time.

I'm hilarious.

Thanksgiving

Turkey Day was yesterday. Did you enjoy it? Did you have fun? Did you wave your hands in the air like you just didn't care?

BFF Jen gets so excited about Thanksgiving that I always sniff her drink to make sure that is the only reason she's excited. I, on the other hand, have never been one to get excited about Thanksgiving. Not that I don't look forward to it - I love getting together with everyone. It's just not something I get YAY YAY YAY IS IT THANKSGIVING YET excited about.

Except for this year. This year, I was so excited about Thanksgiving that I was literally counting down until the end of the day on Wednesday. I couldn't decide why I was so excited. Maybe it was because I didn't get to see my side of the family as much for Thanksgiving last year. Maybe it was because I hadn't been to my grandparents' in a while. Maybe it was because I knew my aunt would make brownies again - and that woman knows how to bake a brownie, let me tell you. 

But otherwise, Thanksgiving was the same as it had been every year. And then it hit me - maybe that was why I was so excited. Maybe I was just looking forward to relaxing and laughing with my family in the same way I have done since I was a baby. And because my family is awesome and I have never fully appreciated them before. 

I've said before (and stand by it) that my grandparents are better than yours.  It's still true. My grandparents open their home to us every year. They are so excited about their two great-grandchildren and that is so fun to see. Just picture my Papaw leaning over 3-month-old Peyton and making kissy noises. Best visual ever and even better to see in real life.

And I love seeing my aunt and uncle and cousins. My cousin Allen wasn't able to come this year, so we poured some cider out in his honor. But I did get to see my other two cousins, who I hadn't seen in ages, and get to know my newest two cousins, Ashleigh and Tenley! Ashleigh is a grown-up; Tenley is a baby. That will assist in future confusion in this post. It was wonderful to catch up and see them and ask about their lives. And, of course, to totally abuse my friendship with Ashleigh to ask her pregnancy and baby tips.

Seeing my aunt Shonda is an experience in itself :) since she always brings the fun and crazy to the party. But it's a good crazy, the kind your children can witness, so don't be alarmed. She's funny and goes with the flow. And I already told you about the brownies. You want to be her friend. My uncle Stan, who is the quietest one (or used to be; we broke him in), always wholeheartedly participates in our crazy, and doesn't even complain when we change our plans 16 times in a row. He needs a medal.

I get to see my immediate family a lot, but it's still fun when we get to see each other at Thanksgiving. It's like when you see a movie you love on TV and you have to watch it, even though you own it and can watch it whenever you want. I am eternally grateful for my parents and siblings. They are weird and funny and ridiculous and I know I am blessed to have my whole family around all the time. When my sister got married, I worried it would be hard to adapt to a new member of the family. But Andy jumped right in and became one of us so fast it was like he was always there. That is partly due to the fact that my entire extended family has the attitude that after we meet you once, you are now related to us and may come to all events. Please bring a dessert to share.

Then, of course, my great-grandmother and great-aunt made the trip to come see everyone like they do every year. They live a little ways away but they came anyway. And it was so fun to see them meet Peyton and Tenley. That made 5 generations of us in one room! Can you imagine that? My great-grandmother was born in 1918 (I think. If that's wrong, someone tell me, quick!!). Peyton and Tenley were born in 2012. Almost 100 years of family, together for Thanksgiving. 100 years of Thanksgivings and Christmases and birthdays and being together as often as possible.

And then there's Daniel. Oh, Daniel. Who sits quietly while my family complains about Yankees and people from "up there." Who not only engages himself in conversation with everyone from my great-grandmother to the babies, but spends his time fixing people's guns and showing them how to make all sorts of dangerous things. He got to know everyone and is genuinely glad to be part of my family. I am so grateful that my family welcomed him right away.

Even though I didn't see them at Thanksgiving this year, I have to give a shout-out to my in-laws. They have welcomed me into their family and have made a sincere and loving effort to get to know me and be my friend. I now have more parents, more sisters, more brothers, more aunts, more uncles, and more cousins to call family. Not to mention all of my cute nieces and nephews.

So this year, I am thankful for my family. I never realized how blessed I was until this year. I grew up with grandparents and great-grandparents and this year it really hit me that a lot of people do not have that opportunity. I get to not only meet but have a relationship with so many people in my family. And while so many people do not get along with their in-laws, I can't wait until Christmas so I can see all of mine again. I am blessed beyond anything I have ever deserved.

I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and have a Merry Christmas. And if you don't have any family to see this year, or just want to borrow a grandparent, give me a call. You can join us any time. 

But stay away from the brownies. I call dibs.

5 generations of awesome. 

Dear Taco Bell

Dear Taco Bell on Pleasant Hill,

I have been a customer for a few months, and while I appreciate the tastiness you offer, I also had a few things I wanted to bring up regarding your customer service. Please understand that I mean this only as constructive criticism, and I hope we can continue to be friends.

When I go to the counter to order my food and the employee at the register is silent and stares at me for twenty seconds, I become slightly unnerved. I know that my beauty is overwhelming to many people, but surely by now everyone at your store has developed a way to cope with that. It's very awkward to have to clear my throat approximately seven times and then ask to order while also trying to convince my husband not to say something rude to you. You might also consider not yawning in the middle of someone's order and then asking them to repeat everything you missed while yawning.

At the drive-thru, the service is much prompter, but please don't ask for my order and then get annoyed that I gave you my order before you were ready. When you ask me for it, I assume this means you are ready, and if this is not the case I sincerely apologize. We just need to break down these barriers of communication, and you might consider having your employees take a speed-typing course.

Also, when I arrive at the window to pay for my food, seeing every employee in the store all facing the kitchen and looking horrified does not inspire a lot of confidence in your customers. Call me old-fashioned, but when the employees of Taco Bell are so freaked out they can only stare, phrases like "Call the CDC" come to mind.

One thing you have done extremely well, Taco Bell on Pleasant Hill: You have wiped out all other Taco Bells in a two-mile radius, thus ensuring that even if you serve me the wrong food twelve times in a row, I will always be back to try again. Well done, Taco Bell. Well done.

Sincerely,

Kristen.