Most of you know that I have issues with traffic. However, this post is not about what to do to circumvent the horror that is a traffic jam, or how to right an injustice on the highway. This time, I have decided to share some wisdom with you that comes from my experience this evening:
1) Before you honk angrily at someone who cuts you off, make sure they don't have a license plate that denotes they are a war veteran or physically handicapped.
2) Once you realize this, do not tailgate them even longer - they might live in your parents' neighborhood.
3) Always, always resist the urge to give the finger - seriously, that person might live in your parents' neighborhood.
4) As soon as you realize they do live in your parents' neighborhood neighborhood, look for another neighborhood to turn into in case the other driver might recognize you. Try to do this inconspicuously. Which is hard to do in a bright orange car.
5) Do not think you are safe until you see them turn on another street - they might take a sloooooooow riiiiiiiiide dooooooown theeeee streeeeeeeeet and it will look bad if you come zooming up behind them. Again.
6) Finally, when you are safe, never, ever, ever venture into your parents' neighborhood again. At least not until your fake mustache and dark sunglasses arrive.
Sorry, Mom. This is why I don't have a Jesus sticker on my car.
Showing posts with label traffic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label traffic. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Monday, July 18, 2011
Honk Honk
I'm here to admit a problem: I am a honker. Not going fast enough after the light turns green? Honk. Cutting me off in traffic? Honk. TRYING TO GET INTO THE LEFT TURN LANE ON THE EXIT RAMP WHEN THE LIGHT IS RED AND HOLDING UP TWO LANES OF TRAFFIC? HONK. HONK.
Some might even say I overhonk. Those people are obviously wrong, but it it something to consider. I live in fear that I will honk at someone I work with. I hope that while I am honking no one notices the cross I wore around my neck that day. And I'm sure that one day I will honk at some poor student driver who will never get in the car again after my ruthless judgment of his slow speeds. The honk has become associated with rudeness and impatience in our society. Honking = not nice.
However, lately I've realized the power of the honk, and how I should use it to change the world. You may think this is just an excuse to honk more. It is. BUT I also came up with sound reasoning behind it. Because you know what honks besides me?
Geese.
Think about it. Geese have power. They hiss at you and and they follow you around. They will make you walk a block out of your way to avoid them. If they're in the road, they don't move - you wait for them. And they honk. They honk at each other, they honk at you, they honk at absolutely nothing. They embrace the honk. They aren't ashamed of it. They just let it fly free. (HA fly free... geese... come onnnnn) And I think we could learn a lesson from geese. No longer does honking have to mean hiding behind your steering wheel and praying that isn't your mother's car in front of you. It doesn't have to mean that you're extra nice once you see that it's a little old man driving the car that cut you off. We can bring honking back to its roots, just a warning to say, "Hey, man, if you could not make my life flash before my eyes, that would be awesome."
So I encourage all of you to go honk at someone today. And when they turn their head to give you a dirty look or mouth to you exactly where you can go, smile and wave, and show them that honking doesn't have to be bad. Maybe hold up a picture of a kitten or a happy face to emphasize your point. Throw some candy out your window. If we all work together, we can bring honking back to the way God intended it: A funny-sounding way to save your own life before that semi runs you over.
Some might even say I overhonk. Those people are obviously wrong, but it it something to consider. I live in fear that I will honk at someone I work with. I hope that while I am honking no one notices the cross I wore around my neck that day. And I'm sure that one day I will honk at some poor student driver who will never get in the car again after my ruthless judgment of his slow speeds. The honk has become associated with rudeness and impatience in our society. Honking = not nice.
However, lately I've realized the power of the honk, and how I should use it to change the world. You may think this is just an excuse to honk more. It is. BUT I also came up with sound reasoning behind it. Because you know what honks besides me?
Geese.
Think about it. Geese have power. They hiss at you and and they follow you around. They will make you walk a block out of your way to avoid them. If they're in the road, they don't move - you wait for them. And they honk. They honk at each other, they honk at you, they honk at absolutely nothing. They embrace the honk. They aren't ashamed of it. They just let it fly free. (HA fly free... geese... come onnnnn) And I think we could learn a lesson from geese. No longer does honking have to mean hiding behind your steering wheel and praying that isn't your mother's car in front of you. It doesn't have to mean that you're extra nice once you see that it's a little old man driving the car that cut you off. We can bring honking back to its roots, just a warning to say, "Hey, man, if you could not make my life flash before my eyes, that would be awesome."
So I encourage all of you to go honk at someone today. And when they turn their head to give you a dirty look or mouth to you exactly where you can go, smile and wave, and show them that honking doesn't have to be bad. Maybe hold up a picture of a kitten or a happy face to emphasize your point. Throw some candy out your window. If we all work together, we can bring honking back to the way God intended it: A funny-sounding way to save your own life before that semi runs you over.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)