Oh, Walker, mightiest of the Texas Rangers,
How do I rely on you!
For your supreme skills
are unmatched by any other Ranger.
Your monotone lines
are inferior only
to your slow-motion action scenes.
And I do admire how you alone
fight all the evil in Texas
because Trivette is always slacking.
ADA Cahill loves you
and though she is injured often
her love will never fade
unless she is kidnapped and almost killed
Beware of the drug dealers around you
for though they will make themselves known to you
you often never see them
until you have been captured.
But hark - who could capture the Ranger?
Only the most vile of criminals
who had a bad home life
no matter how evil the deed
the bad guy only needs a hug
to make all as it once was
in the eyes of the Ranger.
We salute you, Walker
and will never turn from you.
And though we may not understand it
we will never question
why your mother named you