Result #2: How to get Facebook timeline ...really? Barring the fact that Facebook timeline is the 21st century's version of being crushed to death slowly with lots of heavy rocks, Facebook asks to you to change to timeline every single time you log in. Every. Single. Time. Just log on and start clicking random buttons; you'll get there eventually.
Result #3: How to get rid of hickeys. My mom reads this and my Mamaw just got an iPad, so all I am going to say about this is that Googling it will probably get you some weird results, especially in the images section. And shame on you, Google - little kids could have access to this. Although hopefully not without their parents, but you've still created thousands of awkward conversations across the country.
And, yes, for those of you wondering, that is Bumblebee the Transformer on my browser background. I'm just that awesome.