The 3 Greatest Tips for Wedding Planning.

A lot of people I know are really passionate or excited about a particular subject. Sports, for instance, is a big one. Crafts is another. These are both totally foreign to me but I say more power to you if you dig it.

For a long time, I didn't feel that anything was particularly my passion. Sure, I love to write, but that's just fun. And, sure, I am the Mario Kart champion, but trophies are much harder to cling to when you can only see them if the Wii is turned on.

Then my sister got married. And I discovered something:

I love weddings.

Since my sister's wedding, I have been in a lot of weddings. A lot. Like, 10. You wish I were exaggerating. And for every single one, I loved to hear about the colors and the cake and the ideas and the hugs and the candy and I love candy and do you have any candy?

All of these things have combined to make me an expert on the ways of the wedding. I cover many specialties, from Wettinquette to... well, this is only my second post on the subject. But for my THIRD one I'll have two links to share with you. Can you stand the anticipation?

This particular compendium of knowledge will bring to you The 3 Greatest Tips For Wedding Planning.  Are you ready for this? I SAID, ARE YOU READY FOR THIS. Good.

1) Understand that while your wedding is perfect in your head, no one else is in there. Hopefully.

This is a tough one for a lot of bridal homies. In your mind you can just see it all: The lime green and neon yellow polka-dot bridesmaid dresses, flowers the color of the sun and a matching squeaky toy for your dog, who will be serving as ring-bearer. And that is all fine and dandy. But you need to bring those around you into your head. Help them BE the vision. BE the vision. BE... the... vision...

Basically what that means is help people out. When they ask you if you meant marigold yellow, say NO (politely) if that isn't your vision. And then maybe take it a step further and google some examples or give another crayon shade that more closely matches the colors you need. In short, don't expect people to be mind readers. The whole process will be a lot faster if you can be clear from the beginning.

2) Know that if you ask for opinions, you will get them. 

In college, a friend of mine I'd known for a while was getting married. I asked how things were going and she said that her bridesmaids hated the color of their dresses. I asked her how she knew and she said she asked them in an email and they told her. She went on to reveal that no one had actually purchased these dresses, but she had sent out a picture and asked what they thought.

Now. I've said before that I think if the bride walks up to you and says, "Guess WHAT?! I found purple miniskirts on sale and in EVERYONE'S SIZE YAYYYYYY!" it is not your place to then say "Ughhhhhhhhh, puuuuuuuuuuuurple is uuuuuuuuugggggggllllllyyyyy." But if she emailed you a picture asking for your opinion? I think you have the right to give it to her. Nicely. Do not send back a picture of dog doo to convey your thoughts.

So, all you brides or brides-to-be out there, understand something now: If you build it, they will come. No, that wasn't it. Maybe it was Shake and shake the ketchup bottle; none will come, and then a lot'll. Still doesn't sound right. I know! It was If you ask for someone's opinion be prepared to hear their opinion. Like, for real. 

3) Abuse your friends and their wedding knowledge. 

They say it's all about who you know. For weddings, this is really, really, really true. Really. If you are anywhere from 20 to 30 years old, a friend of yours is getting married somewhere. Trust me. Sorry if you weren't invited. But they are getting married and this is your chance to make them work for you: Get recommendations of vendors, ideas, and everything. 

For rizzle. This might be the single most important step of wedding planning. The woman who made the cake for my wedding was recommended by a friend and then my sister. She had a ton of references, pictures and delicious slices for you to taste. And she turned out to be awesome. 

Or the guy who took our pictures, Allen. That guy knows how to take a picture. He was recommended to me by The Carl House, where we got married. (Daniel and me, not Allen and me).  And he was faaaabaulous. He also recommended our amazing videographer. Our florist was recommended by friends and my sister (do you see that I kind of stalked my sister's wedding when I planned my own? LEARN FROM ME.). As a result, we got a ton of top-notch people who knew what they were doing and made it fun to boot. That's a funny phrase, "to boot." Anyway, do this. Seriously. Your wedding will be awesome.

Or just go to Vegas.

How to not be successful

There are a lot of books out there on how to be successful, how to move up in the world, how to make sure you're the awesomest, blah blah blah. But there isn't very much on how to not be successful. This may not seem like something you would want to research, but think again: If your goal is to be unsuccessful, and you achieve that, then are you not in fact successful? I know that probably just blew your mind so take a moment and ponder it. I'll wait.

Welcome back. Yes, it's true: By purposely being unsuccessful, you can be both unsuccessful and successful at the same time. So here are some tips on how to achieve this goal. You're welcome.

1) Never shower. Ever. This one is not for sissies - you can't shower like once a week. You have to stop cold-turkey. This will ensure that no one will want to get within four feet of you and therefore you will have no friends or life skills. You can Febreze once a month if you must.

2) Develop an obnoxious laugh. I don't mean like an annoying giggle. I mean full-out, AHHHH MY EARS, please make it stop, even The Nanny is better than this laugh. I would recommend changing pitches frequently and without warning for the ultimate obnoxious laugh. You may also want to throw in some snorting to really seal the deal.

3) Only wear yellow. No one looks good enough in yellow to wear it all the time. And make sure each article of clothing is a different shade of yellow, like one got washed too many times or left in your car. Also consider purchasing yellow sunglasses.

4) Carry a spray bottle with you everywhere you go. Spray people with it as you please. The more important the person the better. Bonus points if you spray a celebrity.

5) Point out flaws in children, especially babies. "Aww, Susie is so cute. Except for her nose - that is just horrifying. Pretty eyes, though. If you like green." This is really important if you hang out with a lot of mothers.

So there you have it. How to not be successful - a gift from me to you. You might be thinking to yourself, "This isn't Kristen's strongest post." And you're right. Because I EXCEL at being unsuccessful. Boo-yah.